Struggling.

I am self-centered. For the life of me I cannot understand nor have time to digest the foolishness of other human beings. I am engaged to be married and sometimes I want to shoot myself for the overwhelming concern (baggage) I will continue take on while attached to this other human being. It’s like being a lifeguard, it’s my job to save you when your drowning. Right? No, you should drown you needy fucker. Please forget I said that. I am terribly selfish with how much I care about other people and it’s not because I don’t care. It’s really because I feel the need to limit the amount of “caring” I do. if I don’t, I lose myself. I can become so wrapped up in “their problems” that my life falls apart.

So, in all I am starting to feel this desperate need for breathing; inhaling and remembering to exhale. I am constantly holding my breath. Holding it waiting. Holding it laughing. Holding it cooking dinner. Holding it at work. I am tired of TIRED OF FUCKING HOLDING IT being one of those people that really just don’t know how to articulate themselves without being over articulate for fear of being seen as asshole who really just really likes run on sentences and cheap metaphors about love and self worth and due diligence.

I am that person (points finger at self).

I struggle at caring for others because I love myself more. That revelation took about 8 years to come through.


Love Thy Self Therapy Rule Number 1:

Never let anyone make you feel bad for not being an active participant in their problems. Protect your happiness and your piece of mind at all costs. If you don’t, one day you will wake up and look like shit because you carried other people’s baggage. Now where’s that Groupon I had for those Botox injections. 

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2 comments

  1. MelaninMunrow · July 28, 2015

    Omg. This was perfection.

    Liked by 1 person

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